#or an even better question... how much am I willing to project on her

[hobbysognodilibri]

The basics of Jiahui as a character are down... Now the issue is... How much trauma do I wanna give her

[alkelkha]

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐄𝐓. chapter three

relationship — jinx/powder x fem!blk coded reader

contents&warnings! : wc: 2.7k | post season 2 | lower-case indented | fluff | angst and i'm not comforting you this ch | lowkey unreliable narrator (jinx) | sexual tension if you squint | swapping spit with candy | beach episode | reader is implied to have big boobs | author attempt to write bpd splitting | reader and jinx get into an argument | not everything is sunshine and rainbows, friendship takes work and patience | not beta read | yes i am making this up along i go | PLEASE GIVE ME IDEAS FOR FUTURE CHAPTERS |

❛❛ OF COURSE, WE'RE FRIENDS ❜❜

WEEK ONE

after the two of you ran until the sunset it was awkward from there. jinx felt guilty— which she knew she shouldn’t, but she couldn’t help it. she practically begged you to be her friend and now chickening out like a pussy every time you get close.

she didn’t know how to be a friend. what does she do? give you hugs? scary!

you on the other hand?

you got comfortable immediately, going to the shop every day, hanging out with her rambling, and asking questions on her latest projects. jinx tried doing the same but there was this twisty turny feeling in her stomach when she tried. she was scared of how you would react.

she wants this. she wants your friendship, she needs it.

maybe it was because she finally cared what someone thought of her. someone that wasn’t silco or vi or isha.

she had to be vulnerable. 

fortunately, you didn't have any of it. you were the type of person to confront the problems ahead. communication was important to you which jinx hated, but appreciated simultaneously. it was beyond uncomfortable. at least it told her how much you valued this friendship between the two of you. you were willing to work things out.

“what does this device do?” your hand ran over the contraption, and with one move, you were covered in glitter. you slowly turned to jinx, looking at her with a deadpan, “don’t laugh—“

jinx nearly falls off her seat from laughing.  

this was painfully new to jinx. being called a ‘friend’, calling someone else her ‘friend’ was treading on unknown territory.

the way bubbles that formed in her heart the day she said yes burst every time you smiled at her as she ranted. that was sweeter than any candy you've given her.

you listen to her when she talks. you laugh at her dumb jokes. you walk with her around the plaza. you stay with her while she works on one of her (harmless) gadgets when you don’t have work. 

she was starting to understand the hype around having a friend. who knew sharing meals with someone made food taste even better? having a friend meant she could talk for hours on end and be met with a voice that wasn’t tearing her down.

is she doing it right? maybe. she isn’t sure herself.

grabbing a cloth, you wiped down your face. it didn’t help much. powder’s laughter wasn’t any help either. 

“you’re helping me clean that up, sprinkles.” powder tosses you a broom with a grin on her lips.

WEEK TWO

stalking your friend is totally normal. there’s nothing wrong in making sure your friend gets to work safely, especially when there’s a gang after her. besides, is it really stalking if she’s hiding in plain sight? she just so happened to blend in with the colorful scenery of flosnum. much like herself, flosnum loves colors.

pink and orange powder that you can get from kicking plot plants. beautifully painted murals. colorful homes. it was a colorblast.

and just like the good friend she is, she knows your schedule by heart!

you wake up around seven am, ready for the day at about eight-thirty, do a bunch of random stuff after that, and show up at her house or shop at eleven am to hang out. on weekends and wednesdays, you work the afternoon shift. mondays and fridays are your days off. the rest you work at night.

you can't blame her for it, she has no idea what she would do if you got hurt. she’s finally settling down, and that took 10 mental breakdowns.

sometimes, while following you, she'll get distracted and end up at the ice cream truck. after trying out all the poor old man could offer, cotton candy became her favorite.

what was she doing again? oh yeah!

your work was demanding, which is odd because she’s been at bars. hell, she grew up at one. she knew what they were like, and it certainly wasn't supposed to be what you were doing. she had never seen a bartender work so hard. powder was pretty sure the job wasn’t supposed to be this intense. 

SEVEN CHIMES was just like its home flosnum with a mature air. paper lanterns that would illuminate a variety of colors and shadows of white stars on the ceiling some days. weekends it would be packed and that was one of those days. 

you were exactly the same while you worked. the customers loved you. even if they were drunk, the only type of handsy they would get is an arm swing around your shoulder. 

your coworker, stella is what you called her, kept your eyes on you a bit too long. stella’s eyes trailed your body up and down before meeting powder’s.

they locked eyes. 

with a smirk, stella broke the contact eye.

.

.

.

okay, what the fuck was the smirk about?

powder slumps down in her seat from the corner of the bar. she already knew she wasn’t going to like her. who the hell did that girl think she was? does she want to fight? because powder will! feeling her eyes twitch she looked down to slip on her pink fuzzy drink.

“baby blue?”

jinx's eyes shot up to the voice. it was you! in all your glory, the blue light hitting your pretty dark skin, wearing that smile the same way you wore the stupid bronze turtle necklace around your neck. pretty.

after she was done checking you out a frog got fixed in her throat. she's been caught. wait! it’s not the end of the world yet. she could just brush it off as a simple visit! perfect plan.

“why did you tell me you were here?” you sit down on the opposite side of the table as her. “stella told me 'a certain blue-haired girl' had been 'keeping her eyes on me.'”

ohhhh, so that’s why she smirked.

snitch.

“just wanted a drink.” powder shrugs and keeps sipping down her drink. 

“you could’ve said hi, ya know? now i feel bad for you sitting here all alone.” you frown.

“you say that like i’m going type of loner!” powder scoffs. you raise an eyebrow as if you’re saying ‘are you not?’.

she furrows her brows, “i am not!” she defended herself.

“i never said—“

“you were going to!” 

you leaned back and sighed. that struck something in jinx. she’s got you annoyed.

shit.

now you were probably thinking of breaking it off with her and never seeing her face again. she should’ve known. she shouldn’t have gotten attached. “I’m sorry—“

“come on blue,” you interrupt her, getting out of your seat. “my shift just ended, and i’m starving!” you take her cold hand in your warm one, pulling her out of the bar.

WEEK THREE

blue was mysterious— was.

this girl bounced off walls. no filter. talks back to old mean people who gave you a hard time. she had to be constantly doing something or doing nothing. no in-between. you adapted to it.

she's unlike anyone you’ve ever met. 

the shop you gave her? now her hideout. she completely renovated it in her own style. remember that broken illuminating sign? now the sign had no words it was a…

monkey?

you think it was. you saw it often in her work. you’re guessing it was her signature. 

you liked moments like this. standing behind her, brushing her short hair mindlessly. her hair grew really fast, it was almost to her shoulders now.

jinx tinkered on the glitter bomb that exploded in your face three weeks ago. her tongue stuck out the corner of her mouth in concentration.

it was odd. her hair. not that it was bad, she somehow pulled it off amazingly, but you can’t help but think that this was a recent cut. “why did you cut your hair this way?” you asked.

she pauses her work and looks up, leaning back in her chair to get a better look at you. “what, don’t like it?” your heart jumped at the sight of her.

she was so cute. wide pink eyes, blue eyeshadow, dark lipstick, and glitter stains on her face. 

“no, just curious,” you spoke softly. powder’s eyes trail away from you as she thinks about whether she should answer your question.

in the meantime, you noticed some dark grease on the corner of her mouth. it was nagging at you, she was dangerously close to eating it if she were to lick her lips.

taking your thumb you lick it and then wipe it off of her. the action caused her to scrunch up her face a bit but she didn’t pull away. “it was a weakness.” she answered your question, “my hair was wayyy too long, practically dragged it on the ground.” she shrugged still looking up at you. 

“plus, i needed some change.” jinx made her hand into a gun and slowly raised it up to you, “pow.” she pretended to shoot you. 

“shooting me now?” your voice amused, raising a brow at her.

“you should’ve dodged it,” she shrugs, looking back down to her work. she set it down on the workbench and spun her chair around, “now you’re dead,” she got up from her seat to get another tool. "sucker."

“i thought you liked me!” you grumble, her back was now turned to you. 

“just a little.” she plays into it and turns around. 

her eyes widened to see you point a sucker to her head, with a smirk on your face, “now, you’re dead.”

“oh, so that’s how you wanna play, princess?” she puts her hand on her hip.

“you started it, cutie.” you unwrap the sucker, placing it in your mouth.

she narrows her eyes at you with a frown. a cute frown. you could tell she wasn’t really angry. she takes the sucker out of your mouth and places it in hers. 

your breath hitched. this should not be affecting you the way it is. the heat that coursed through your body went straight up to your face. jinx leaning closer didn’t help, you could envision her tongue swirling around the candy.

oh fuck.

WEEK FOUR

the warm softly grainy sand slipped between jinx’s toes as she stood barefoot on the beach. the beach was bustling. children darting around, teenagers around playing volleyball, and locals dancing to the music that filled the air.

she sits down on the blanket you placed down. “you’ve gotten tanner, blue.” you say as you just finished applying sunscreen on yourself.

she didn’t even know what sunscreen was until she crashlanded her. “you used to be a ghost, now look at you.” she wasn’t tan, she was still pretty fair, but she wasn’t as white as a ghost the first time she got here.

you sat on your legs in front of her with your hand lathered up with sunscreen. you slowly approached her giving her the time to pull away. she didn’t. you applied the sunscreen on her tattooed arms.

jinx didn't need you to do this. she could’ve done it herself, but your touch was nice…

also because of the view it was giving her. “now, where have you been hiding these bazongas!?”

"I've had these the whole time" you deadpan at her, get up and crawl away to the other side of the blanket.

"never out in the open like this!" she bursts out laughing at your reaction. “wait, wait! come back, pretty lady!” she grabs onto your wrist, pulling you closer. 

she was terrifyingly strong for someone so thin. “you’re no better than a man!” you yelp but don’t pull away (not that you could). 

“can a girl appreciate some beauty?” she huffs, wrapping her arms around your waist and pulling your back to her chest. “not my fault they’re right in front of me.” she pokes at them. jinx bit her lip to contain her laughter.

the clear blue water shimmered in the sun like it was a jewel. jinx clung onto your back, arms around your neck, and legs wrapped around your waist. fun fact! jinx can’t swim. “you’re such a baby.” you giggle, she puts her cheek on yours.

the both of you spent the time in the ocean teaching her how to swim or trying to kill each other by splash wars (you almost went blind because of her).

it was sunset. the both of you laid down on the blanket under you, looking up into the now pink sky. powder held onto your hand and you gladly held it with the same intensity.

“i like this, toots.” she turns her head to you but you don’t seem to notice. your eyes were fixated on the sky, you hand slightly loosened your grip.

your face drops into an annoyed expression, “i like this too.” foolishly you let out a tired sigh.

jinx's mind swirls.

she lying to you! she doesn’t mean it, do you see the way she replied? you’re such an idiot for trusting her. she’s probably only hanging out with you out of pity.

jinx shook her head, “you sure? you don’t sound like you did.” her voice offended.

you finally looked back at her. “sorry, baby blue. i’m just tired—“

she scoffs. “tired? tired of me? i thought we were having fun!” she sat up.

taken aback by her reaction you quickly backtracked what you said. you didn’t want to make this any worse. you got up to level with her, “no, no. of course not tired of you. i love hanging out with you, baby blue.” with that you seemed to get through to her, her face relaxed.

she’s tired of you. she’s tired of you. she’s tired of you. she’s tired of you. she’s tired of you. she’s tired of you. she’s tired of you. she’s tired of you.

jinx’s jaw clenches. why would you be tired of her? that doesn’t make sense! she’s made sure you had fun this whole time. yeah, at the beginning of your friendship, she chickened out a bit but you forgave her. yeah, she would pull stupid pranks but you love them. so why would you be so rude?

she looked into your warm eyes. “you’re lying to me!” she rips her hand away from yours. why are you lying to her? jinx’s eyebrows furrowed, jaw tensed and her forehead held creases.

“i’m sorry, blue. i just got stressed—“

“if you were stressed why would you come here in the first place? if you’re not having fun just say so, you didn’t have to fake it and lead me on the whole day.” she stood up and you did the same.

“what?” like an idiot, you laugh at the situation happening right now. “i never said all of that. honey, if you let me finish my sentence you would understand.”

now she’s laughing at you, she’s not even trying to hide it!

“shut up!” jinx shouts and you quickly pipe down. her breath came out in heavy pants. hands trembling over her ears. her mind was in overdrive. she was thinking about everything. about how you hate her. about how this was doomed from the start.

she should’ve known, no way someone would actually want a genuine connection with her. it’s not like you could ever understand her.

she points her finger out accusingly, “you think this is a laughing matter? you think i’m a joke!” 

your voice got caught up in your throat. this was insane. she was insane. she was just making up things on the spot to play the victim. you suck in a breath and shake your head. “what’s wrong with you?”

those words left like a gunshot to her heart. 

told ya.

jinx. 

not that you had to work hard to get to this point. wasn’t like she liked you to begin with.

hot, frustrated tears welled up in her eyes, her nails dug into the palm of her hand, letting blood drop freely onto the blanket under the two of you. an uncomfortable silence hung in the air, thick and stifling.

her glare at you intensified, a flicker in her pink eyes of… betrayal? a step back, followed by another, soon, she left you alone on the beach.

this was a mistake.

TAGLIST: @millie2point0 @powderbomb-jinxed @velvetinkbym

[idciminlove]

Take a Slice

Part Five - Casual

f!reader x Tashi Duncan x Art Donaldson x Patrick Zweig

Cinnamonacid on AO3

Warnings- arguments, angst, jealous Tashi, situationship struggles, homoerotic friendship struggles, etc.

You have to deal with making some difficult choices.

Song inspo: Casual- Chappel Roan

“You shouldn’t have done that.” Art paced around the living room, anxious and angry. Tashi stood and watched him, her arms folded, while Patrick sat on the couch. “Wanting to train her professionally? I thought we agreed to put our family first after Patrick retired. I thought you were happy with training the girls at the foundation.”

Tashi sighed. “I am.”

“Clearly, you’re not. It’s never enough for you, is it? What if she said yes, huh? Would you go on tour with her? Lily’s too old for that. She needs stability.”

“What, you think I would just run off with her? She’s not even ready to go on tour yet. She would just be a side project. I’d start off training her twice a week, when I wasn’t working at the foundation, and once she started showing improvement, things would get more serious. I know what I’m doing, Art. You know I love you, and Lily, and Patrick. I take care of our family and the both of you just fine. You need to trust me.” She remarked.

“This isn’t just about tennis, Tashi. I know that. I know you want her, and it’s not a good idea. She’s young, a lot younger than us, and she might not know how to handle this.” He gestured to the three of them.

“What did she say when you offered to train her?” Patrick interjected.

Tashi gripped her arm sleeve tightly in annoyance. “She said that she’d think about it, and that she has people she doesn’t want to leave.”

“‘People?’” Patrick cocked an eyebrow, a little smirk crossing his face.

“Her doubles partner, I’m assuming. She’s pussy whipped even worse than you, if that’s possible. Came in with all these hickeys on her neck, which she tried to cover up with concealer.” Jealousy was clear in her voice, along with her irritation. Patrick snickered quietly.

“I’m giving her an opportunity, a real chance, and she’s willing to give up everything for her. Everything she’s ever done, everything she’s ever worked for. It’s fucking stupid.”

Art’s expression softened, and he found himself locking eyes with Patrick. Maybe he knew you better than he thought. Maybe you could fit into this. Maybe he should give you a chance.

He sighed, running a hand over his face, feeling the cool metal of his wedding ring burning against his cheek, taunting him. “She’s going to need some time. Let her figure everything out. She’ll come back to you.”

“How do you know?” Tashi asked.

“I saw how she was looking at you at the end of the match. She wanted you to see. She wanted you to be impressed. She wanted you…who wouldn’t?” He took her hand, pressing a kiss to the back of it. Tashi smiled at him.

Patrick got to his feet, gazing at the two. “Wait, so you’re in?”

“I guess so, are you?” Art replied.

“..Yeah.”

–

“So, how did it go?” Anneliese questioned as she sat across the table from you in the dining hall. Honestly, you didn’t know how to answer that. There was so much that happened, so many feelings, so many conflicts. Thinking back on it made you dizzy. It was like a puzzle you were trying to piece together in your head.

“I think I blew it.” You admitted.

She furrowed her eyebrows. “What? What do you mean?”

“It went fine, I guess, but she said she wanted to train me to play professionally, and I told her that I need to think about it, and she wasn’t very happy with that.”

“Why?”

You messed with the food on your tray, unable to meet her stare. “I don’t know, it was a lot, and I- I couldn’t give her an answer right away-”

“This is your dream. You worked so hard, and you told her you need to think about it?”

“I know, but doing this means leaving school and leaving everyone behind. It means leaving you behind. It means no more practices or matches together, no more bus rides, no more shared hotel rooms. It means no more us.”

“So you want to give it all up for me? That’s fucking stupid. There is no ‘us.’ We’re not even together. This is just..casual. You know that, and I won’t let you throw everything you worked so hard for away.”

Her words stung. Moving from state to state with your mother made it hard for you to make new friends, and even harder to keep them. She had been your first best friend, the first person that actually stuck around in your life. You loved her so much and you knew she loved you too, but she’s right.

You bit your lip, fighting back tears. She reached across the table, resting her hand on yours and giving it a comforting squeeze. “It’s not like you’re going to be moving across the country, you’ll only be an hour or so away. You can visit me and I can visit you. I’ll go see your matches and you can see mine. We’ll make it work, I promise. But I’m begging you, please don’t give up your dreams for me.”

You wanted to believe her, you really did, but you’ve heard those words too often before. Empty promises that they’ll keep in touch, that they won’t forget you, that they’ll make it work. It never does.

Your heart felt heavy in your chest. You took a deep breath, forcing yourself to look her in the eyes. “Okay, I’ll send her a text and let her know that I’m ready. I’m going to do this.”

She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Good.”

–

You: I thought about it and I’m ready

You: I want to do this. I want to play professionally and I’d be honored to have you train me.

Tashi had been waiting impatiently for that text, checking her phone constantly. She wanted Art to be right, she really did, but she had her doubts. Now, as she stared down at her phone, those doubts dissipated, replaced with feelings of satisfaction and excitement instead.

Tashi: I think you made the right decision

Tashi: Lmk your schedule and I’ll set something up

[whore-era]

collage!ellie x reader hcs? <3

a/n: im gonna assume u meant college!ellie so HERE IT GOES just for you anon friend <3 sorry for how short it is kfkdkkd

tlou 2 university: college!ellie x reader headcanons <3 18+

i have a feeling ellie is either a biology major, engineering major, or a physics/astrophysics major (cuz our girl loooves space), meaning she's extremely intelligent and does very well in class!! she's always answering the professor's questions, taking notes, paying attention. when you struggle with any science/math related subjects, she's ALWAYS willing to tutor you. but, this doesn't mean she's just gonna give you the answers, she's gonna make sure you actually learn and study, even using any means possible — like having you strip off a piece of clothing every time you get an answer wrong and making it a fun time for the both of you.

when you have important projects/papers/quizzes/exams to do that day, she'll make sure to send an encouraging message. don't get me wrong, she always does, but on especially important days like these, she'll always make sure to send an extra special one <3 'good morning baby! you're gonna fucking KILL this chemistry exam babe! you worked your ass off and you're gonna do amazing and get the highest score ❤️ i love you my smart girl let me know what you get when you're done' 'ty els <3 i love you most babe ! i'm abt to start talk to u laterrrr 🏃🏻‍♀️'

ellie will always fulfill her girlfriend duties and walk you to and pick you from classes! even tho she's always a tiny bit late because your class was all the way across campus from hers, but she wants to make sure you're protected and safe so she doesn't care either way! and she'll always carry your books for you, making sure you don't strain or 'hurt' yourself (her words not yours). "els, i have two, capable working arms!!" you whine, as she takes the textbook off your hands, "and so? what if you get a muscle spasm? or you sprain your hand?" she retorts, "by a two pound book?" ellie shrugs, "the possibility is never zero, babe."

when ellie has a project or an essay to work on, it'll be a little difficult to reach her as she gets in the zone when she's working. you'll probably send her some texts throughout the day to check in on her, but as the day progresses you'll find yourself worrying and thinking about stopping by her dorm with dinner because you already know she hadn't ate all day from being cooped up in her room typing away:

you - 9:30 am: els! just got out of class!! gnna go get some lunch w jesse :) hope ur doin okay <3

you - 11:45 am: miss u babe hope ur work is coming along great !!!

you - 2:21 pm: havent heard from u......kinda worried....hope u have been eating n staying hydrated missy >:(

you - 5:56 pm: ok i'm On my way! to ur dorm rn w/ dinner i already know u haven't ate yet n ur gonna feel my wrath

you - 5:56 pm: ignore that extremely enthusiastic On my way! it autocorrected im still mad at u

hearing the booming pounding on her door, ellie takes off her earbuds and walks to the door, opening it. to her surprise, you're standing there, take-out in hand, and a grumpy expression gracing your face. "do you know what time it is? have you even ate yet, ellie williams-miller?" ellie grimaces at the sound of her full, government name leaving your lips. "i'm so sorry, babe. i was working all day, i didn't even realize how much time had passed 'til you showed up," ellie mutters, her stomach grumbling on cue. you hand her the take-out from her favorite spot on campus, and she graciously takes it from your hands. "you better be thankful you have a very caring and worrisome girlfriend, els," you say, "i really missed you today." a smile curls on ellie's lips, "i know, baby. here, let me take a little break from my paper, and i'll make it up to you, yeah?"

and that night, ellie was extremely thankful she worked on most of her paper, as she completely disregarded anymore work as she decided she'd rather fulfill her appetite by eating you out instead. leaving her take-out cold and untouched. but hey, she held her part of the deal and indeed made it up to you.

that was also how 5 papers ended up taped up against her dorm-room door, complaining of the 'fucking loud ass moans' the morning after.

"how'd they even know it was us?" ellie queries, reading over the complaints. "oh wait, it says here 'please tell your girlfriend to keep it down. she was screaming your name all night. thank you for reminding us who lives in dorm 114.'" needless to say, you were red as a tomato and it gutted you to leave her dorm, feeling everyone's eyes on you as you walked down the hall.

let me know if yall would like more college!ellie hcs!! <3

[lonewolfel]

I’m trying to come to terms with what you’ve done

Also on AO3 Athena is projecting her own relationship with Zeus on Odysseus and Telemachus. However it has also put her in her father's bad books. Title comes from Scars by The Crane Wives Warning: Mental breakdown, past abuse, emotional manipulation, threats

Athena didn't understand what was going on with her. She trusted Odysseus and was willing to sacrifice herself for him. Yet for some reason the idea of leaving Odysseus alone with Telemachus made her heart race and what if scenarios run through her head.

Athena constantly had to keep an eye on the two of them to the point that it was affecting her divine duties. She could also tell that Odysseus was getting frustrated with her as he had spent twenty years desperately wanting to get home to his family and yet the more frustrated Odysseus seemed to get the more Athena feels the need to be between Telemachus and Odysseus.

Telemachus would on occasions give her confused looks but he didn't mind. He seemed to enjoy her presence even if he felt on occasions that she was around too much. She knew that Telemachus was too nice and maybe even scared of what she would do if he told her off, not that she would do that she wasn't like him.

Athena still didn't spend much time with Penelope. She for some reason leaving Telemachus alone with Penelope or it just being them as a family didn't make her heart race the same way the two of them being alone or even with servants and civilians.

Athena pushed those thoughts out of her heads. She watched as Telemachus went through his drills. He was getting better but he still had a long way to go before he would be at the same level as any of the heroes that she had trained and honestly she thinks for the first time she doesn't care. She didn't train him to prove something or her own pride which was fine. After her screw ups maybe it was for the best that she didn't try to train the next greatest hero of Greece.

When Telemachus finished the set he flopped onto the ground.

Athena gave him a look before rushing over to Telemachus. She had been watching him and was sure he didn't accidentally hurt himself. Though perhaps he had hurt something beneath the skin that Athena wouldn't have been able to see.

"Are you alright?" Athena asked. She was fully prepared to call Apollo to help if needed. She knew field medicine but she didn't trust herself to treat whatever was wrong with Telemachus on her own.

"I'm tired," Telemachus huffed.

Athena remembered when Odysseus had first training with her he had done something similar. She remembered telling him to stand up and continue. She felt an unpleasant feeling rise in her stomach; the same one that made her go to Ithaca despite her falling out with Odysseus the same one that made her confide in Telemachus. She shoved it down.

"Well, if you are done training then I'll go," Athena said.

"No, sit with me," Telemachus said.

Awkwardly Athena did just that. She remembered doing this with her after a sparring match. They would both laugh and talk until Triton called for them to eat. Though she wasn't sure what she was supposed to do now she wasn't used to being in someone's company who doesn't purely want something from her.

"Are you OK?" Telemachus asked.

Athena frowned at that. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Telemachus looked directly at the lightning scars. They started to burn as if there was still lightning stuck under her skin. She pretended not to notice.

"I'll admit that I haven't known you that long before my father returned but you seem more paranoid. As if your waiting for something bad to happen," Telemachus explained.

Athena shook her head. "I am not."

"What's going on between you and my dad?" Telemachus asked.

Athena definitely didn't know how or want to answer that question.

"Nothing to worry about, Little Wolf," Athena said.

Telemachus gave her a look. "So there is something going on."

"No, there is nothing going on," Athena protested.

"I don't think even you believe that," Telemachus said.

Athena opened her mouth to respond but Odysseus then appeared into view. She quickly closed her mouth.

Telemachus gave her a look and then turned to see what had caught Athena's eyes. He visibly brightened.

"Hi, Dad," Telemachus called.

"Hey, Telemachus, Athena, what are you two doing?" Odysseus greets.

"Oh, we're taking a break from training," Telemachus explained.

A hurt look flashed over Odysseus. She knew that he was thinking of all the moments were he had begged Athena for a break and she denied it to him. That unpleasant feeling returned. She shoved it down.

Just as quickly as the hurt appeared on Odysseus's face was it gone replaced by his usual easy going performance.

"Oh, can I speak to Athena in private," Odysseus said.

Telemachus looked over to Athena. She nodded her head slightly.

"OK," Telemachus said. He stood up. "I'll see you guys later." With that he took off running.

Athena stood up and straightened her pelos.

"Do you not trust me, Athena?" Odysseus asked.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Athena lied.

"Yes, you do," Odysseus said. That's on her she should have known better than to lie to him who in his first meeting with her lied to her.

"I do trust you Odysseus," Athena said.

"Then why do you always stand between me and my son?" Odysseus asked.

"I enjoy you and Telemachus's company," Athena said. That was partly true.

"Even when your invisible," Odysseus said.

"What are you getting at?" Athena asked.

"I know your father…" Odysseus started. He was looking directly at the scars on her face.

Athena's heart began to race. "The King of the Gods, what, King of Ithaca?" Athena's voice was cold. She saw Odysseus flinched back and felt that horrible feeling returned. She pushed it down. She couldn't deal with this, she wasn't ready.

"You have to know that I would never," Odysseus recovered.

"Do what?" Why was she edging Odysseus on. Why didn't she just end this conversation they both knew exactly what Odysseus was saying.

"You know what. You don't have to get so defensive about this," Odysseus snapped.

"I…"

"Athena!"

Ice filled Athena's veins. She didn't want to deal with him now.

"Athena."

Maybe she could ignore this. Say she was busy and go when she is ready.

"Don't leave me waiting or I'll pay your mortals a visit."

Athena flinched. She should have known better than to believe that would work.

"Athena?" Odysseus asked. He had a look on his face. One that she kept getting from others and was still unsure what it meant.

"I have to go," Athena said. She noticed that her hands were shaking. Why were her hands shaking?"

"We aren't done yet," Odysseus protested. He looked at her hands. She felt a flush spread through her cheeks. Shame bloomed in her chest, she should be better than this.

"I am needed on Olympus," luckily Athena's voice remained steady. She placed her helmet back on. She spread her wings and took off not listening to Odysseus's protest.

Athena landed on Olympus. She walked towards the throne room. Her knees felt weak but she kept on moving. She knew better than to keep Zeus waiting.

Athena entered the throne room and bowed. "Father." The word tasted like ash in her lips. She then stood up straight and hid her hands behind her back. She Her heart pounded so much in ears that she was concerned all of Olympus could hear her weakness.

"Where have you been?" Zeus asked.

"I have been on the mortal plain," Athena said. Her voice managed not to shake. She could feel perspiration gather on her skin and hoped that Zeus didn't notice it.

"Yes, with those mortals," Zeus dismissed. "Why have you been neglecting your divine duties?"

"I'm sorry, God King, I didn't…"

"I'm not looking for excuses," Zeus snarled. Athena managed not to flinch back. "I expect better than this from you, Athena or are you completely useless."

Shame threatened to drown Athena. "I'm not."

"Good, the next time we have this talk I will pay a visit to your mortals." Athena couldn't avoid the shiver that went down her spine at her father's threat. "You are dismissed and return to your duties.

"Yes, Father."

Athena walked out of the throne room as quick as possible without making it seem like she wanted to escape. She walked to her palace and once she arrived to her palace she entered slamming the door behind her. She through her helmet off and her breathes came out as desperate gasps. She felt as if her heart was about to burst out of her chest. She placed a hand against her chest and slid down the door onto the floor.

Athena should not be reacting this way. She didn't even need to breath or have a heart beat. What did it matter to her that they were wrong.

Athena knew that she couldn't return to Ithaca at least for a while. Zeus would be paying too close attention to her actions now. She can't let anything happen to them because of her. She can't let their names be added to the list of everyone who cared about who got hurt because of her.

She only hoped that Telemachus will be OK while she was away.

[zweetpea]

Zhongli x reader The Dragon of Geo (Spicy, no smut)

Summary:

The classic tale of a young lady and a dragon, but with a twist. AU no deities, or Tevat (I’ll still use Liyue and the Qixing just for convenience), no Archons. And I made Shenhe an Adepti because I thought that thematically it fit better. Also female reader.

Notes:

Warning: not for the kiddos! Has foul language and mentions of heat and breeding. And if you want me to write you smut based of the sultry scene feel free to ask.

Feel free to request any genshin ideas

Ao3 version here

Once upon a great beast roamed the sky. His scales, as brown as mud yet they sparkled like crystals. His hair as thick and shiny as gold yet it was softer than silk. His claws as sharp as rocks yet somehow held a gentleness reserved for the mortals of his land. And did he ever love his mortals. Hewent by many names, Rex Lapis, The Great One, Mighty Dragon of Geo, the children often called him Zhongli, but my favorite name for him has always been Morax. Something about it just presented power and authority. To me it screamed “I am your protector! You are mine to love! Though the seasons may change and life caries on for mortals, I will be here to protect you always!”

But those were the foolish wishes of a young girl who knew nothing of the world. A girl who was enchanted by the glimmer told to her as a child to keep her innocent.

He protected us for a millennia, but a century ago he decreed that unless he was given a bride by sunset he would ravage the land. The Qixing gathered everyone together to see if there was anyone who was willing to go. In the end they had to draw up a lottery since no one volunteered. Five years later he demanded another girl. And another after another five years. Some mothers or sisters left instead to protect their family, some had to be carried away screamed and crying. When I was fifteen years old I even witnessed a girl ask that she be escorted there in a carriage with a beautiful white dress. She was convinced that she was going to die and wanted to be pampered and treated like a princess in her last minutes.

I was never convinced that he ate them. I thought that they were a part of his harem and he got bored with them eventually. But it was undignified and unlawful to let a woman marry a man after she had been deflowered, lest she be a widow.

Anyway, it’s now five years later. Liyue is waiting on a letter from one of the four Illuminated Beast. This time 15 years ago Xiao came. He was a beautiful black and teal eagle (A/n: Don’t question the animal forms). 10 years ago Yanfei a lovely salmon pink deer came. 5 years ago an adorable little blue goat named Ganyu arrived with the letter. So this year should be the elegant white crane Shenhe.

Right on time she flys down with the letter in her mouth. I inform her of my name, how I knew her and the other Adepti’s name. “Don’t worry Shenhe, there’s is no need to go back to the others. I’ve been informed that I should wait here until the letter arrives and if it never came I was to return at the end of the day. I am the new bride of the dragon of Geo.”

Well truth be told the reason that I didn’t want to go back to the others was because I had a plan to stop all of this. In the back of my traditional dress I hid a dagger. I’m not much of a fighter but I figured... someone had to try? I guess? I dressed modestly as I figured that he would like it enough to not eat me immediately. If I died in battle I was going to take down Rex Lapis. I don’t need the praise, and I just want my people to live peacefully oblivious lives. In a few centuries this nightmare will become folk lore. A cautionary tale to spook children into being good. It’s finally going to end. I wonder if they’d get most of the details accurate, maybe they’d try to scope out the cave to try and find more details.

We walk out to the middle of the wild and into the mountains. The cave of the beast. Surprisingly it had doors. They’re beautifully sculpted and chiseled with various pattern that made me stop and gape at them in awe.

“This way, young one.” Shenhe motions with her wing. The doors open slowly and I enter the unnatural dark cave.

Once they close lanterns illuminate the corridor and standing before me was a gorgeous woman with long white hair that fades to black at the end, tied in a beautiful braid. “Who...?”

“Right my apologies. It’s still me Shenhe. In the cave myself, Xiao, Ganyu, and Yanfei take on more human characteristics. Come on, we mustn’t keep the master waiting.”

She leads me to the end of the corridor and into a large room. It looks like it had to be a thrown room due to the throne at the far back on top of a short flight of stairs but it feels as if someone could throw a party in here.

“Shenhe. You’ve returned earlier than usual.” A deep voice from behind a burgundy curtain called. His glowing gold eyes peer through the semitransparent cloth. She kneels to him once we reach the bottom of the stairs.

“The mortals came prepared, this time.” She informs the man on the throne. Gold and brown plush pillows surround him as he lay there waiting for his next plaything.

I kneel too to show him that I am as loyal and docile as his servants. “Shenhe you are dismissed.” She exits the room and he rises from his throne and draws back the curtains. “Rise my bride. Rise and look at me.” I do as he commands. I gape with wide eyes at the man before me. Long thick black hair pulled back in a ponytail, he had on a strange white outfit that showed off his chest and yet was like a skirt at the bottom. His arms were black at the shoulder and gradients to a yellow at his hands, I wonder if that was natural or part of his clothes. He starts to descend towards me as I’m standing there like an idiot. He chuckles, his voice even more sultry. “Like a little bunny caught in her predictors sight.” In the blink of an eye he’s behind me, holding my dagger to my throat. His hood most likely fell off as he dashed for me. “You are the only one who has ever tried to kill me. Others have begged or tried to bargain. Some I’ve even fed to Xiao because they only cared about the prestige of becoming my wife.”

“Your eyes... the legends and one own imagination cannot do them justice. I’ve imagined them thousands of times. How could I have hated these beautiful ambers for five years?” I looked up at him as he leaned over me.

“Excuse me? Did you just ignore what I said? Maybe I wasn’t clear enough. Women who try to seduce me are fed to my servants.”

I’m off in lala land and can’t fully register his word. “My father’s probably told me your legend 100 times when I was younger. If you’re going to kill me please let me die with your eyes being the last sight I see.”

“100 times? I could never fathom hearing something 20 times let alone that many.”

“Ironically I am your 20th bride.”

“Do you think that makes you special?”

“That’s for you to decide. Are those horns real?” His horns came up from his head and slanted back then curled back towards the front. I turned around in his hold.

“Yes they are, and they’re vERY—” He cuts himself off as I grab his horn. He groans at the contact dropping my dagger, it clangs as it reaches the ground. “—Sensitive.” He grabs my hips and nearly grinds our waists together. He breathing is heavy as he layers his head on my neck and guides me up the stairs. I almost trip a few times as I have to walk backwards. “If you ever do that again, you won’t be walking for a week.” He pushes me down on his throne. He pins my hands above me.

“Was- was that supposed to be as erotic as you made it sound?” My face feels hot and is undoubtedly red.

He looks at me surprised and then angry. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t take you right here, or better yet call in the Adepti to watch as I fuck you dumb on my cock like the whore that you are?”

“Morax, I know that you probably won’t care but I’d like to ask you a question before you deflower me.”

He looks a bit surprised, probably because of the name I called him by. “... this better be good.”

“Why did you ask for a bride?”

“Why? Why?! I don’t have to tell you anything!!”

“Okay. I’m ready.” I say nonchalantly. This caught him off guard.

“Excuse me.”

“You granted me my question, and from the stories I’ve been told Morax keeps his word. You told me you were going to torture the poor Adepti by forcing them to watch us propagate.”

“Do you just believe everything that you’ve been told or read in a book?” His face like the fabled Jueyun Chili’s.

“I was actually also wondering about those stories. But you’ve only permitted me with one question, so I guess I’ll never know.”

“If you were so curious about me why’d you try to kill me?” He lets me sit up.

“I mean, you are quite well known for your brides going missing and never coming back. It would be stupid not to have some kind of protection, whether or not it would work is a whole different argument. I figured that if for some reason I changed my mind I should still have some protection.”

He smirks at me. “I don’t think that’s you wanting to kill me is the truth. Not anymore at least. You wanted to convince yourself that you would be the hero. But what you really wanted was answers. Answers to the questions that you’ve been tossing and turning in your sleep about. I can see it in your eyes. The was they sparkled when you went to grab my horns. The way you looked over my body as I came closer to you just a few minutes ago. The way you were ready to use your last boon on something that should be so innocent, just so that you could get the answers that were just eating you alive.”

Could he really read you like an open book? One with the letter printed big and bold? “Okay, you forced me to face a truth I really didn’t want to confront. What does this mean now? You know that I won’t try to kill you, you know that I don’t want your power, and you know that I’m not gonna beg for my life or try to bargain for the sake of Liyue. So what will you do now?”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had someone who’s interested in history and my stories stumble into my life. I’d like to keep you around for now.”

“What happens when you don’t want me anymore?” He walks back to where he dropped my dagger and comes back with it. He makes a slit on his palm and smeared the golden blood on my forehead in a single line.

“I make this contract to you that should I get bored of you that you may leave this place and never return. Once you wash off my blood the contract with solidify.”

(A/n: just go with it)

“Well what happens if you take my virginity then get bored of me? It wouldn’t be proper for me to marry another.”

He makes another slit on his palm as the first healed already. Then drags another line across my forehead. “If I am to take you, let our first contract become null and void and I will make you my wife.”

“Does this mean that I may ask you anything that I want?” My eyes widened probably sparkling.

He chuckles. “How about you go explore while I um... ahem, straighten up.” He gestures to the tent in his pants.

I blush and look away. “Right! So Um, bye!” I run from the room to the door on the left of the main entrance to the throne room.

<><;><><>

I didn’t see him again until dusk that same day. I got well acquainted with the rest of the rest of the adepti in their human forms. I also found water to wash off his blood. He found me wandering around and brought me to a bedroom.

“This will be your room. Mine is just across the way if you need me.”

“Thank you.”

“Think nothing of it. This is my only article of clothing and if we were in the same room then I’d be too overwhelmed by that little body of you little bunny to resist.”

“Um, will I have more than one piece of clothing?”

“I’ve already asked Shenhe to get your clothes from your father. I believe that some of the other citizens have given you presents as well. Something about this being a change for the better.”

“They probably think that if I’m moving my clothes here that you’ve accepted me and won’t seek another bride at least for a few decades.”

“By then who knows what invention they will make to stop me. I might be done for.”

“I don’t think so. You’re the oldest documented creature in the world!”

“And yet you still wonder why I want a bride.”

“Your lonely?” He goes into his own room and closes and locks the door. “But what about the Adepti!”

“Good night bunny.” He says through the door.

“That not my name!” I shout my name to him.

<><;><><>

3rd person POV

When Shenhe reached Liyue she was confused about the what the people were doing. Most were celebrating. But there was a lone man in the background shaking and trying to stay calm. When she arrived the celebration stopped dead in its tracks and everyone looked panicked.

“Where is the new brides father?” No one new who she was talking about so she informed them that a new bride had offered herself up. The brides father steps up to Shenhe and asked what happened to his daughter. She asks for your clothes and tells everyone that the girl was alive and well.

After that everyone ran back to their homes and grabbed something nice to give her for the new bride. They all tagged the gifts so the bride knew, who gave her what.

<><;><><>

1st person POV

I found the gifts in my room. Very pleasant silk clothes and finely made hair pins, combs and brushes. A few even sent toys. ‘Wait, they think...’ I thought as my face heated up. ‘No, no. Get those disgusting perverted thoughts out of your head girl! He’s just keeping you around for entertainment!’

<><;><><>

The next day at breakfast I started asking him questions.

“So if you only fed a few to Xiao what happened to the rest?”

“Well I either got tired of their nonsense and killed them or they ate a Jueyun chili and died. The ones I fed to Xiao I turned into mice first. And the rest of them who left behind bodies were buried.”

“They’re real? Jueyun Chili’s I mean.”

“Of course.”

“Are they really as hot as a thousand fires?”

“Oh no, it’s more like ten thousand.” He chuckles.

“Are you making fun of me? I really am curious!”

“I know. You’re just too cute Little Bunny.” He smirks. “They are spicy enough to kill a mortal with a single bite. Even the smallest nibble would kill a fragile soul.”

“Are you going to set a limit to how many questions I get to ask you per day?”

“Why would I do that? That would just restrict my fun!”

“I just don’t want to make you annoyed.”

“You are very interested Little Bunny.” He chuckles again, as I blush.

“Are your arms... naturally like that?”

“Yes.

...it’s how I look because I my dragon form.”

“Right, Shenhe mentioned that in this cave you all transformed into human like beings. Why is that? What is it about this cave that allows you to transform.”

“I was the only one able to shape shift. They all longed to have the ability to have a human form. I carved these halls and cast a spell over this place that allows them to transform into whatever human form they desire.”

“I’m happy for them!”

“As am I.”

<><;><><>

After a four months I was still living with them and it was reaching near my birthday.

“Hello Morax! Do you want to know why today is so special for me!”

“I’ll bite, why?”

“I’m 21 today! It’s my birthday!”

“Birthday?” He looks confused.

“Well yeah! Mortals have this tradition called a birthday where we celebrate the day that we were born and how many years we’ve been alive!”

“Well good Birthday to you then.”

“Silly! Mortals say happy birthday and whoever is having the birthday receives presents. So can yours be you telling me stories from the millennia that you protected Liyue? Please?”

He looks at me like I’m crazy. “You are certainly interesting. You can ask for anything and you ask for that?”

“I wasn’t sure that if I asked any other day that you would tell me stories.” I look down in embarrassing.

He pulls me onto his lap as he sits on his throne. “I’ll tell you anything that you want if you tell me what else you want for your birthday.”

“Um, well I guess... the only other thing that I’d want is to maybe go outside. Only for an hour or two. It’s just, I haven’t been out since I moved in and I’d like some natural sunlight.”

“I’ll do you one better. As long as myself or one of the Adepti are with you, you can go out anytime.”

“Really?” My eyes shine brightly. He nods. “Thank you so much!” I squeal and hug him, as well as giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“Do you want to go now?”

“Just let me hug you a little longer.” I request a bit embarrassed.

<><;><><>

It’s getting close to a year now and I’ve noticed that Morax seems withdrawn from me.

“Hey. Morax? Rex Lapis? Zhongli? Are you okay?” I knock on his door and don’t get a reply. Xiao is walking past when he decides to pull me away from his masters room. “Hey what was that for?”

“You’ve made it farther than most. Except for one. Guizhong, the first bride.”

“What happened to her?”

“The legends you’ve been told are wrong. Guizhong offered herself to the master. She was much like you. Curious, fearless, trusting but not naive, but the biggest difference is that she could tell him to back off. You just let him tease you like a masochist.”

“Okay so why isn’t she here?”

“He had never had a lover before, he was possessive over her. And as time went on she started to hate him. And she flung herself off of the balcony in his room.”

“Oh my goodness, poor Morax.”

“On top of all of that she was his first love.”

“Xiao please, help me get in there! I want to let him know that I won’t leave him! That I want to stay with him!”

“Luckily I have the only other key to the masters room. I have to warn you though, he’ll be in his dragon form but it’ll be only a tenth his true forms size.” He unlocks the door and I rush in to the lavish room. It’s the most beautiful room in his palace. He lays motionless in his dragon form. Around his bed. In this form he huge. 50 feet long, brown scales, gold locks and curly horns. The legends really don’t do his majestic beauty justice.

I rush to his side and hug his head in my arms. He’s very thick though so I can’t get my hands all the way around. “I’m here, and I’m not going to leave you. You’re stuck with me whether you like it or not.”

He lets out a small roar, something akin to a whimper.

<><;><><>

I’m in my fifth year staying with Morax, and I’m madly in love with him.

On this wonderful day all of the Adepti are running around the hall in a panic.

“Ganyu what’s going on?”

“Well um... maybe you should stay in your room for a few days to about a week... and lock the door... and hide if someone tries to come in.”

“Ganyu, where is Morax?”

“Please for your own safety stay away from the master this week.”

“But-” before I could ask her anymore questions she rushed off. ‘Morax what are you hiding?’ I thought. I know that it’s rude to go into someone’s room without their permission but I am supposed to be his bride so surely an exception can be made just this once.

I slip through the door and the room is almost pitch black save for a few candles. His balcony door is closed and his curtains are drawn. I hear rustling around the room and feel arms snake around my waist. “What are you doing here, my cute little bunny?” Morax’s voice sounds strained, and yet hungry. Husky and low and so sultry. As he spoke that into my ear his hot breath hitting the shell I almost melted right there.

“Morax? What’s going on?”

“Seems there are stories that even my little scholar doesn’t know. Once every 100 years or so I go into heat, it’s a time period called breeding season. You seem so ravenous right now.” He groans in my ear and suddenly I feel my underwear becoming damp. “Don’t you know how rude it is to enter someone’s room without knocking? I think that you need to be punished.”

A small squeak was all I could muster as he threw me over his shoulder and walked me over to his bed. He dropped me down onto it and made quick work in getting rid of my clothes, leaving me in only my underwear.

“Naughty little thing aren’t you.” He teased as he felt my slit through my underwear.

“Morax, please. Stop teasing me, and just fuck me.” I whimper.

“Eager are we?” He smirks.

“I really love you and I want this. Please, let me help you. I want to help you, I want you!”

He blushes at my confession and gently smiles at me. “Whatever my love wants, she will get.”

<><;><><>

“Do you think that I’m pregnant?”

“I’m not sure. I fucked you good though.” He teased.

“Yeah and I can’t feel my legs.” I deadpan.

“What a shame. Looks like you can’t leave then.” He snuggles closer to me as the week of his breeding period is over.

“I love you.” I tell him.

“I know you’ve practically chanted it this entire week.”

“Well you better get used to it because you promised to marry me if we had sex.”

“I’ve known for a while now that I wanted to marry you.”

“Does that mean that I can touch your horns whenever I want?”

“Didn’t you get enough of that this week?”

“I like your horns, I find them very cute and so smooth.” I smile as he flushes red.

“Given the chance to become immortal and live with me forever, would you take it?”

“Staying young with you forever? Yes please, where do I get this immortality?”

“The Valberry. A single bite will give you keep you young forever and you will get to be with me, forever.”

“Really? Screw til death do us part! I want you to myself forever!”

<><;><><>

“Do you Rex Lapis, The Great One, Mighty Dragon of Geo, Zhongli, Morax, take this woman to be your wife for eternity?” Yanfei asks.

“I do.”

“And do you-”

“I do!”

“She doesn’t even need to think about it, that’s what I like to hear! I now pronounce you husband and wife.” We embrace is a long loving kiss.

All of Liyue cheers at the sight of their protector finally being satisfied.

After the wedding we went back to the palace and Morax lays me down on our bed and crawls on top of me.

“I hope you’re ready for me to fuck a baby into you.” He licks his lips with his long dragon tongue.

“We don’t have to rush anything we’ve got all this time in the world.” I smirk at him.

“I am your protector. You are mine to love. Though the seasons may change and life caries on for mortals, I will be here to protect you always. I love you bunny.”

“I love you too Morax.”

[b0tster]

ever since coming out, i’ve had a very difficult time inserting myself into the lgbt community, specifically the trans community. i don’t know why; i’ve just never felt like i belong in any specific place, like i’m not good enough or look “proper” enough to take part. i’m not sure if that’s rooted in how isolated i was a kid and teenager just trying to to sort through this stuff. but i can’t be that way any more, and i guess in seeking to view myself as more “valid” i’ve gone through a lot of personal changes. and despite my internalized feelings towards myself from my childhood and parents and society at the time, i’ve come to love and accept myself for the project that i am.

i guess i just wanted to get that out since we’re all doing this.

to the anon, i just want to say: i was in a similar situation for years and years. i first started questioning myself when i was a child. it got worse as i got older. eventually i learned to just shove it down and ignore it. as i got older though, and grew more autonomous, and grew as a person, i realized that those feelings never went away. and from 19-25, i just kept crushing them down, but every time took more and more out of me.

i came out to my sister in tears at like 12:30am in the office of my workplace. her response? “yeah no that checks out for you.”

i’ve never been more relieved or angry, or laughed so hard, at a response, but that was the push over the edge i needed. and i don’t want you to think any of us are directly telling you that you are trans, you should transition, blah blah blah.

i have a lot of regrets about how i handled my transition. i wish i had access to more information in the 90s and 00s. i wish i had people like those that are all over this website, encouraging me to look inside myself to see what was going on. i wish i had had all of you incredible people to talk to. i spent the better part of 26 years denying who i was because i was afraid of what it might mean, and because i didn’t have any base of knowledge to understand any of my feelings. i felt alone and isolated, in that tiny ass rural town in virginia. it wasn’t until i got to college that i really saw people like me, and even then i was too intimidated, too afraid to approach or talk to them.

anon, my only real advice to you would just be to talk. find people to talk to. talk to yourself if you have to. if you think they’re steps you want to take? give them a shot. you can always stop if it doesn’t jive with you.

i started transitioning at 28. i lost my hrt a year and a half later. i just got it back a month ago, and now at 31, i’m back at square one.

my biggest regret will always be, that i didn’t give myself the chance to be myself sooner. don’t rob yourself of that chance, anon, by hiding your light under a bushel. we’ll all be around. talk to us. talk to everyone you can, and you’ll learn a little more about yourself each time. i just wish someone had told me that sooner.

love all of you guys. 💜. thank you for giving me a place to put this, botster, and thank you anon and botster for giving me an excuse to share my story.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I don't even know how to properly respond to this 🥺

I know its not fully directed at me though. But this shows how important it is to be out and proud for those who are willing.

Having a platform where people feel safe enough to ask these questions is so important.

[jesssssssssica]

tolerate it lh44

I feel foolish, studying your facial expressions as you split your time between eating the dinner I made and the spreadsheets that are projected on the computer screen in front of you. 

I find myself questioning my next move, juggling the ideas of either clearing my throat and asking how your day was or just sitting back and desperately praying in my head that you would possibly ask how my day was. 

I surprise myself as I continue to sit in silence, though I realise that I can’t get the words out, mouth suddenly feeling sour. 

Silence. 

I pick up my knife and fork, slowly cutting into the food, which by now has gone cold. 

‘Great’ I think, sighing heavily, recalling the desperate measures I had gone to to try and recreate the dishes I had googled online about. 

“This is nice.”, I finally utter, though my voice is small enough, that I feel as though a slight echo bounces off the wall. “Us two finally being able to sit down and enjoy this meal, feels like it’s been ages since we were last able to sit down just the two of us.”

I fist bump myself in my mind, pride bouncing off my aura at the conversation starter I had just created and just all I receive is a nod and a hum of agreement.  

Where had this once happy marriage gone wrong? 

Sure, we were married quite early on in our relationship but that was because we loved love each other and nothing in the world could make our bubble of love pop. 

Yet here I am, freshly twenty five and in an unhappy marriage with a man thirteen years older than me. How sad. 

I wish I could go back and bandage up all the cracks that began to appear many months ago, well in all honesty if I had the ability to go back in time, I would go back to that very first night I met him. I would’ve taken my younger self into the grimy toilets and told her to fall in love, truly fall in love before moving to marriage so quickly into a relationship with the first guy that reciprocates our feelings. 

I would tell her to rethink her choices as well that night, telling her that the right guy was in the crowd that night but we didn’t notice this whole time that he was the one that was willing to bend over backwards to make us happy.

If only I had chosen him.

I would also tell her to be strong. 

Tell her that if one day you do find yourself trapped, fight for freedom. Don’t continue to live with someone that makes you knowingly unhappy, someone that you know is a hindrance in your life. I would tell her that even though you want so desperately for things to be perfect, like the ones you see in fairytales, not everything works out and even if it doesn’t someone better waits around the corner. 

But I will never get the chance to do that. 

So that’s why I lie in this bed, this uncomfy bed that doesn’t make me feel warm or make me want to sink into the mattress, staring at this man that is the epitome of beauty, watching as his chest rises and falls. 

That’s all I seem to do these days, watching as you live this perfect life.

It truly does make me wonder sometimes about what you think about when you see me. 

Does your heart leap out of your chest every single time you see me? Did it ever? 

Do you feel sorry for me every single time you sit on the opposite side of the dinner table to me? Do you even notice my eyes studying your charming features? Do you know how much you reel me in, even when I try so hard to distance myself from you? Do you ever feel as though I don’t treat you right? Do you tolerate me?

It’s times like these that I wish I was older. 

I wish I was wise enough to understand the way of the world properly, in the ways that you do. 

I try to study the ways you do things, criticising my own mannerisms to match yours, desperately trying to fit in and be the wife you desire and yet you just tolerate me. 

That’s all I can ever seem to make you do. 

Tolerate me, not love me or like me.

You just tolerate me and my foolish ways, building up a grudge of annoyance every single time I can’t manage to mask my youthful ways, turning a nose up and not saying anything. 

Yet I seem to understand perfectly what you’re saying to me.

All of a sudden, I feel a wetness drop onto my hand, waking me up from my trance, bringing me back to reality. 

The reality is being in a marriage with a man that will never appreciate me and the things I do to make him happy. 

I look up once more, only to find him gone, my only indicator of another person being in the room with me is the half eaten plate of food that lays on the table. 

Only then do I finally let the tears go, gripping onto the sides of the chair to find balance, having lost the strength to stand. 

Arms wrap around my waist catching me as I start to fall down, my cries now turning into a sob, having come to the realisation that this was the life I would have to live. 

The arms that were once around my waist now slide up to my face, wiping my tears away from my cheeks, hushing me as they did so. 

“It’s okay now y/n, just stay strong.” 

I recognise the voice instantly.

It’s Lando’s voice. 

“It’s not okay Lando. You don’t understand do you? You aren’t married, you don’t have to live with a partner that barely looks at you anymore. You don’t bend over backwards for people to make them happy only for them not to appreciate all the hard work that you’ve done for them. You don’t stare at them as they fall asleep, feeling envious that they get to live in this perfect world while you have to just watch them as they do so. You don’t have to double check your behaviour every five seconds in fear of disappointing the one person that is meant to love you no matter what, and you certainly don’t have to feel the shame of knowing that no matter how much you try, your partner has to tolerate you when they should love you!” 

Silence overtakes the room. 

“And another thing, you don’t have to go through this unhappy marriage knowing that the right person was right in front of you this whole time and you just didn’t see i-”

Before I can finish my sentence, his hand grabs my cheeks pulling me in until our lips touch. 

I melt instantly into his arms, feeling as if I had just found the one, because he was the one. 

We pull away, my hands going to my lips, slight guilt pooling in my stomach because regardless of how right it felt, I was still married. 

“Lando, we can’t”

“We can and we will. I promise you and even if it’s not today we will someday.” 

“Someday Lando.”

For now I will just tolerate it, waiting patiently for when it’s right.

[so-long-soldier-writes]

Commitments

elijah mikaelson x fem!reader x kai parker | requested

summary: an argument breaks out when kai learns about elijah’s plan to propose to you. he had been making these plans himself, he just hadn’t expected the other man to do it without letting him know first. luckily, you intervene mid-fight and are able to settle it between them, proposing an agreement that suits you all

tags: poly relationship, arguments, talks of marriage, happy ending, fluff

word count: 1.3k

a/n: i hate the title, but not being able to title it was the only thing stopping me from publishing the request, which i didn’t want to do, so it’s kind of a bad title and i’m sorry about that. but, i hope you like it!

The minute you leave to go to your lunch date with Rebekah, Kai confronts the other man in your life about a small box he found in his nightstand. 

“What do you plan on doing with it?” He tries to square up the original after hearing it is, in fact, a ring. 

“I know you spent a lot of your life locked away, but I think you know why one would usually buy a ring.”

“Don’t play dumb with me. Are you going to propose to her?”

“If you must know, yes, I was planning on it.”

“You can’t do that,” he starts, only to be interrupted.

“And why not?”

“Because I was going to.”

“You must be joking. You don’t have the devotion for marriage, Malachai.”

“Maybe I do. How would you know?”

“Because I know you. We have been in this relationship for two years. We know each other just as much as we know her.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Elijah. I am devoted. Devoted to her.”

“I know you are. But what about marriage? It’s something else entirely.”

“Are you suggesting I’m not capable of it?”

“I’m merely suggesting that you are not able to handle something so binding. Marriage is a commitment.”

“I’ve been committed to your dumbass all these years.”

“You have, for her.”

“So what’s the problem then?”

Elijah sighs, “let’s not make this an argument.”

“Me? You’re the one starting shit!”

“Malachai, I-”

“And don’t fucking call me that, you know I hate it. Why do you think you get to propose to the girl we’re both dating? She can’t ride off into the sunset with you and leave me behind, and how do you know she even wants to marry you?”

“So now you’re telling her what she can and cannot do. That’s never a good sign of a healthy relationship, Mal-”

“Shut up! Stop calling me that! And I’m not telling her what to do, I’m only saying that there’s three of us in this relationship, and you can’t just break it up like that.”

“Of course we would work out the details later, but it is imperative that I-”

“No! We work out the details before we ask the life-changing decisions! And funnily enough, I was actually going to ask you about similar details when I found your little box - which, by the way, you should hide better - because I have been wanting to go out and buy my own little box for her, because I do love her, and I am willing to make that commitment!”

“It’s not a little box, Mal… Kai, it’s a ring.”

“I know that.”

“And did you just say you wanted to propose too?”

“Yes, I did. But unlike you, I care about her feelings towards you, so I wanted to ask you before I made any rash decisions.”

“I care about how she feels for you, Kai, I just planned to ask those questions pertaining to you after I asked the question.”

“Why after? Why not before? Why so secretive?”

“Kai, I’m not in the mood for doing this with you-”

“Actually, it makes so much sense. You’ve been really standoff-ish lately, and I’m guessing this is why. But why the attitude, huh? Guilt, maybe? Pity?”

“You’re taking this too far. I have not been meaning to come off a certain way. You are projecting your own fears onto me.”

“I cannot deal with your thousand year old pretentious vampire talk right now, Elijah, I-”

“Well I cannot deal with your sensitive, baby vampire feelings. So may I suggest we both end this before we drive ourselves crazy?!”

“I am not sensitive! You don’t know what I’ve been through.”

“I do, actually, quite know. And I know that you hate to admit it, but you are being sensitive, because you love Y/N so much and the thought of not having her kills you.”

“So then why are you taking her from me?! Why did you go and buy that-” 

“What’s going on?!” You shout into the room, effectively shutting up the two men. You could hear their muffled yelling from outside, tension settling in your bones at the noise. 

They both stop and stare at you. 

“Y/N,” Elijah coughs, “I thought you were meeting with my sister.”

“Something came up so we rescheduled. Why are you two arguing?”

It’s dead silent. 

“You better tell me right now. I thought we got over the two of you fighting.”

Kai wants nothing more than to spit out the truth, but the original would crucify him. Thankfully, Elijah sighs, “we are having a minor disagreement.”

“About what?”

“About you,” Kai says quietly.

“Yeah, I got that. Would someone like to expand?”

“I wanted to propose to you, Y/N,” Elijah finally admits. “But I hadn’t told Kai about this plan yet, so when he found the ring, he became upset.”

Your stomach flips, “propose? Elijah…”

“I love you, Y/N. You are the woman I want to spend my eternity with. But as it turns out, Malachai feels the same, he just hadn’t taken the same steps yet.”

“The steps?”

“I didn’t buy a ring because I wanted to make sure it was okay with him if I asked. But Elijah over here decided he’d just ask me after asking you,” Kai supplies. 

“You both?”

They nod. 

“Oh my god.” You sit down in the nearest chair to think. “God… I love you both, so much.”

“Would you?” Elijah starts, then continues when you look up at him, “marry one of us?”

“‘Lijah… I love you. I do want to live forever with you. But Kai, I love you, too. I can’t choose between you guys.”

“What are you saying, Y/N?”

“I’m saying I can’t marry either of you. I can’t break your hearts; I can’t commit to one; I can’t make that decision. I won’t.”

“But… you still want to be with us, right?” Kai stutters out, afraid your rejecting words are a break up. 

You turn to him immediately, “of course, Kai. That’s what’s stopping me from marrying either of you. I need you both in my life. If marriage is going to divide us, I don’t want it.”

“But Y/N, it’s the opposite. It’s what brings people together.”

“‘Lijah… marriage is a binding process sanctioned by the government. We can live and love without a piece of paper telling us to do that. We can be happy just being us.”

Kai visibly softens at your words. His shoulders relax and jaw untenses. “I am just happy to be with you, Y/N. Elijah, please say you agree.”

The more traditional man takes longer to give into the idea. 

“I love our relationship just the way it is,” you tell him. “And, since you already bought the ring, I will still wear it, if you want. Kai, you too. I can wear them both. As a symbol of our love, without going through all the yucky legal stuff to have it.”

Elijah sighs before smiling and agreeing. “An anti-proposal proposal. I’m for it.”

A huge smile takes over your face and you rush to hug them both. They return the favor with the same enthusiasm. 

“Now, if we may, I was going to give Bex my whole afternoon, but now I have nothing to do! Might my favorite boys join me on the bed with a movie?”

Kai springs up at the word ‘movie,’ and immediately fetches popcorn and snacks. You give Elijah one more kiss, thank him for agreeing to your wishes, and then send him off to find a movie. 

For the rest of the day, you lie cuddled in between your boys, sharing candy and kisses, until exhaustion settles in your bones. 

“Sleep, Y/N,” Elijah mutters, “we’ve got you.”

“We love you,” Kai mumbles, half asleep himself. 

You kiss both their hands, then start to drift off into a deep sleep. “I love you both, too.”

[alygator77]

I came back to apologize for my previous ask about the smut in M&M. Not about the question, but the delivery.

Reading it in retrospect, it sounds terribly abrasive, abrupt, and rude. That was not my intention. I’m actually quite embarrassed that I typed it out the way I did. Very disrespectful, and I am sorry.

I’m also a single mother, AND a business owner, who happens to read a lot. And as a matter of fact, I do write my own fics.

When I came across yours, I was immediately enamored by it, especially because I had never seen anything like it. I LOVE the entire concept. Its creative and extremely relatable. Especially for people like me. I realize I should have led with that.

I felt very strongly that you needed to know I truly wasn’t trying to be an asshole when I asked. The delivery was awful though, and since I wrote it in the middle of the night when I was already tired and my brain was looking for smut (lol but not really funny), I projected that in a bad way.🤦🏼‍♀️ I truly regret it.

In an attempt at an explanation, I saw most of what I said as a joke, i.e. “Good God. If they moved any slower, they'd be going backwards ... Sorry ijs...” I remember actually laughing when I typed that.

It wasn’t meant to be an insult, but more rhetoric or hyperbole. I wasn’t careful with my expression, so I apologize for that, too.

All of that being said, I also just happen to be a straightforward person, but I wasn’t angry at all when I wrote it.

When I said “Why not omit the smut altogether?”, I was actually wondering why you didn’t just choose to just make it fluff instead (though you can do what you choose). As I read it, it didn’t feel like it was even mandatory, especially considering the dynamic between them, and how it was clear he had strong feelings for her from the beginning, even when they worked together.

I also admit that with the tags, I had an expectation of more, which is where the mess that came out of me originated, but I was absolutely not expecting it for every chapter.

I don't agree with adding too much, adding it in every chapter, or that the only thing that matters is sex. His character really is objectified a lot, and all of that can dilute a story very quickly or even ruin it.

My question was more geared towards gaining an understanding of why you chose the route you did. Which was a far better way of asking than the way I did, and there’s no excuse for that.

I hope you continue to write great stories, and again, I SINCERELY apologize for my insensitivity.

Firstly, I would like to say I really appreciate you reaching back out to me — I was pleasantly surprised to read this and it makes me SO happy to know that there are people like you on the internet, capable of addressing a misunderstanding in a respectful and thoughtful way. You being willing to send me this says a lot about who you are as a person, so seriously, thank you.

No hard feelings on my end, all is forgiven. I can completely see where you were coming from and I also relate — there have been many times in my life where I’ve said something and it came out different than what I intended. It happens love.

When I said “Why not omit the smut altogether?”, I was actually wondering why you didn’t just choose to just make it fluff instead (though you can do what you choose). As I read it, it didn’t feel like it was even mandatory, especially considering the dynamic between them, and how it was clear he had strong feelings for her from the beginning, even when they worked together.

I will happily go ahead and answer this question! There are two answers to it.

The first answer is that I will not omit the smut altogether simply because… I like sex? 🤷‍♀️ Idk, it’s a simple answer really, lol 😅 But I think to put it in perspective, I like sex in a different way most people consume on this platform. I am demisexual — so I have to have that close emotional bond with someone before I find them remotely attractive. When it comes to writing smut (and sometimes even reading it), this really plays a big part to both my inspiration and my comfort level.

Secondly, I’ll address what you said regarding the characters in the story, specifically relating to the comment about how the smut wasn’t mandatory. 

Personally, I do think the smut scene in ch 3 was relevant to the story bc it gave readers an insight into Satoru’s feelings/perspective. While yes, Satoru was drawn to reader in the beginning, he didn’t understand his own feelings, and there were walls he built up around his heart (you get a glimpse of this when he talks to reader about how he never wanted to get married; it was after their courthouse ceremony in ch 2).

Also, most of the interactions between him and reader were subtly intimate in chs 1-2… he really did not start acting more bold until after the smut scene in ch 3 (ie, he tries to kiss her in the supply room and in the kitchen). Basically, his walls did not come down until they shared that first kiss, because it solidified his own feelings for her. He mentions this to reader when they share their second kiss in ch 6.

If you listen to the song on my playlist for mhm called “Cardiac Arrest” by Bad Suns, it really speaks to the image I had of Satoru while writing the scene during/after their kiss in ch 2.

The moving too fast thing plays into readers character. She was cheated on by naoya (also naoya is just a prick lol), so of course trust is not something she is going to give lightly. I did not feel comfortable having the smut continue in ch 6 bc it felt like their relationship would regress — reader wasn’t honest with satoru yet yk? It would’ve felt super hypocritical for her to preach about how important trust is to her, but then not deliver it herself. putting myself in satoru’s position, I would feel pretty hurt if immediately after I fucked someone for the first time, they suddenly decide to tell me a secret they were hiding from me? 🙂‍↕️ Again... idk, that could be just me though, bc as I said, emotional bonds are big when it comes to physical intimacy for me.

Anyways, I hope this gave you some perspective to my own thought process and answered your question love.

As a fellow mom myself, just wanna say, you single moms are literal super heroes 🥺 Sending you love bc it is NOT easy. Thanks for reading my story and apologizing 🫶🏻

-aly💕

[sleezeboss]

Hello!!!

I have been a fan for a very long time and it’s really amazing to see your story and art develop over the past years! I’ve been a follower of BadBeat and it’s reiterations and I’m excited to see where this new project may go. I look up to you as an artist and am greatly inspired by your work.

I have a question about the other characters, such as the other demons (Levi, Mammon, Asmodeus, Lucifer, Satan, Belphi) and other characters (Chandra, Marquis, and Josiah). I see you answered about Belphi being a sworn ex of Bub’s (which poor thing he was so sweet 😢), Chandra being a dealer for them of sorts, and Satan being a rough and negative influence of Bub’s. However, I wonder what else is written about the others and what you are willing to share about them. I know Asmodeus had a big influence on Rex in BadBeat, but I wonder his personality and role as an antagonist now. I also wonder how the other demons play in as well, like the others mentioned. Also I want to know if Marquis and Josiah even exist anymore. Is there any new characters?

I apologize if this ask is long and confusing but I am wondering what you can share before this new story is released and want to know more of the characters not mentioned.

thank you so much for being such a longtime fan! that really makes me happy to hear. So just some clarification before I answer your questions, you got a couple names confused!

Chanda's name is just Chanda, no R.

Joe's full name is not Josiah. It's Giuseppe, but he goes by Joe.

okay the rest of this got LOOOONG, so just a heads up.

I've answered questions a couple times regarding if Mark, Joe and Chanda will be featured in this story, and the short answer is yes; they do have a place in this world and story and they do still exist. Whether or not I make any story content (short story, short comic, etc) about them still remains to be seen. The difficult thing about reinventing your OCs and changing their backstories is that they kind of start to become nebulous and unclear to you again, and you have to relearn who they are in the world when the setting changes. These three in particular have been very uninspiring for me for lack of a better word. I know they seem to be a fan favorite among my audience but I just feel nothing for them at the moment. I'm trying to give them time to simmer on the back burner and see what comes up. Chanda's reinvention as a hag / witch was a good step, but that's all I got. Joe and Mark will still be a vampire and a werewolf respectively but that's all I got.

As of right now, my idea is that the main cast is Bub and Rex. Mark, Joe and Chanda are reoccurring cast members / allies to Brex. An example of a typical "episode" in my head is that Brex checks in with Chanda, get their mission from her, and then they go on their merry way. Meanwhile, Joe, Mark and CHanda would be the B story that is either contained to their own event, or they are aiding Brex in some way.

Ideally I would love for all the devils to have their time to shine as an antagonist. With this setting where Brex are clearly defectors and traitors to their respective sides of a war, they both will have characters from their past coming to try and thwart them or break them apart. Satan, Asmo and Belphi would be considered bigger villains and antagonists because they have direct personal relationships to Bub and Rex, whereas Mammon, Luci and Levi have less stakes in the mix simply because they're not as involved with their interpersonal relationships and backstories. (that may change down the line! who knows.) The devils all have relationships with each other tho, so it's not like they have no reason to be there.

So jumping back to Asmo for a second, I mentioned in another ask that Rex's soul already belongs to a devil due to a deal his mother made before he was born. Lately, I've been thinking it goes something like this: I think the devil who made that deal was Asmodeus. We get this kind of dynamic where Asmo haunts and taunts Rex, but Rex has no idea why. He has night terrors about this devil, and feels his influence all around him, but he's resistant to it and fights it.

When he figures out what happened to him, that his soul was claimed before he was even born, I think he attempts to take matters into his own hands. He actually attempts to summon Asmodeus on his own and confront him. Now, remember- Rex is in a cult of highly dogmatic demonslayers and witchhunters, and is preparing to become the leader, so him dabbling in any kind of summoning magic is highly taboo, even if his end goal is to slay and confront his literal demon, so just go ahead and add all the angst you want to this hypothetical scene :P

Anyways, as fate would have it- he messes up somewhere along the line, and summons Bub instead. I think he was fasting the day he decided to do this to "purify his body" or some shit, and the whole time he's working on summoning a Lust Devil, he's thinking "God I'm starving..." and it dominates the spell summoning spell he's casting hahaha.

Now, another idea I've been chewing on lately- I've been watching a looot of True Blood (old HBO vampire show from the 2000s. I loved it when I was a teen.) and there's a thing in the universe where vampire blood has highly potent magical qualities when ingested by humans. It can heal their wounds and save their lives essentially. When taken recreationally, it's also a very potent aphrodisiac, so when a human has the blood of a vampire, they get very vivid sexual fantasies about the vampire who's blood they are taking.

I have been really inspired by this and want to apply a similar thing to my devils in my world, so I like the idea that when Rex summons Bub, even tho it was an accident, he starts get these potent sexual fantasies and feels this intense attraction to a beast he's sworn to kill. I really love the idea of Rex suffering thru that inner turmoil of being a righteous man in his beliefs, but being so conflicted by what his body wants. while also being ASHAMED. Like, come on! it's not the sexy mysterious and refined devil that's been haunting his dreams- it's this bozo of a glutton devil!

Okay reigning the tangent in and trying to address your last question- I do have a couple new characters for this world! First of all we have a lot of Rex's family as reoccuring cast members / antagonist. Rex's dad is a huge character in his backstory, as well as his mom.

Rex's daughter is a character that will come into play eventually, too. I'm looking forward to designing her for this setting.

and I'm also at that stage in my world building where any new characters I make, I want to find a place for in this world. All my worlds feel connected, Im just that kind of artist where everything I make tends to share similar themes and settings. I have a very very old oc from 2015 who now has a place in this story for example. He's a young exorcist who becomes Rex's mentor when he decides to commit to learning demon magic.

Okay I need to stop here, I can't believe how long this got lmao

[cyberth0t]

how did you learn how to draw for inheritance? i want to make a webtoon but that part is holding me back. any tips?

Hey there! This got long so I'm putting it under a cut.

I didn't learn to draw for Inheritance! I've been an artist for a long time. Inheritance is just my first attempt at sequential art (sequential art is an umbrella term for work like graphic novels, comics, and webcomics).

This next part might sound like I'm warning you against making a webcomic, but I'm not, I swear. Stay with me.

Here it goes:

Learning to draw is hard. Drawing for comics is harder.

The reason I began drawing at age whatever (elementary school) and couldn't stop was because I was/am obsessed with it. Even if nobody was looking at my work, I would still be drawing. I highly suggest asking yourself if drawing brings you deep, lasting joy and satisfaction.

If your answer is NO, then please don't frustrate yourself by attempting to create something so difficult. (Since you're asking this question at all, I'm willing to bet your answer isn't NO, lol)

If your answer is I'M NOT SURE, then my advice is to spend six months drawing for an hour every single day. If you find, even after a few months, that it's not something you enjoy, or even like, then I can guarantee you will not have fun making a comic.

If the answer is a resounding YES, then I suggest you write your plot (the whole thing, including dialogue), choose your characters' designs, make a scene breakdown/outline for your first "chapter" or "arc," choose your color scheme, fonts, bubble style, and then start practicing drawing your characters over and over and over again until you can make them look like the same person every time you try.

The reason I'm laying all of this out is because if you aren't deeply in love with making art, then you will burn out very quickly attempting to make a comic.

The good news is that drawing a comic will force you to get better at art so, so fast. But that hinges entirely on how hard you work at it. And how hard you work at it hinges entirely on how much you love creating art, and how much you love the story you're trying to tell. See where I'm going with this?

The reason I find drawing for comics harder than illustration is because you have to draw everything. Especially if you go the route I did--I don't take a lot of shortcuts with 3D assets, and my style is more realistic than symbolic. Backgrounds, props, furniture, different outfits, vehicles, trees, bushes, etc etc etc. It doesn't matter if you don't like to draw something--if your character takes the bus and it's important to the story, you gotta draw her on the damn bus.

As for resources--I HIGHLY RECOMMEND Scott McCloud's two incredible books--Understanding Comics and Making Comics. They are comics 101, they are the moment, they are indispensable knowledge. And you can get them in pdf form for free on the internet archive.

If you're a beginner artist and don't know where the hell to even start, my all-time favorite instruction book is Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain by Betty Edwards (get the workbook too, it's a necessary part of the book). It is the best "how to draw" book I've ever used, and I have used a LOT, please trust me on this one.

The second how-to-draw resource that I think is just as helpful as Betty Edwards' book is this incredible shrimp tutorial. Again, just trust me! It works!!!

I feel like a lot of creative advice fails to mention that if you want to create something, whether it be a novel or a painting or a webcomic, you have to love (or at least like) to practice doing it in order to do it well, and nobody knows if you love it except you. It's the repetition of the art form that makes us good at it, and that repetition means hours and hours of your time, each week, for years. (Please note: practice isn't always fun in the moment, I don't love drawing every second I'm doing it. Please see: delayed gratification.)

A relevant anecdote--I was also an actor for fifteen years of my life. I practiced enough to become very good! And I ended up quitting at the height of my skills. I didn't like doing it. It didn't matter to me if I was "talented" or not, it didn't set my soul on fire enough to want to continue giving my time and resources to that kind of storytelling. Not every art form will speak to our souls the same way, and that's okay.

I truly wish you the best and I dearly hope that if you end up making a comic, you'll share it with me.

Best of luck.

[creative-author]

I'd love to hear more about your story! Especially how Maze Runner and the Inheritance Games helped inspire it but I'd love to hear anything you're willing to share

Hi!

I saw your ask and just brainstormed a few things about it because many things are just "normal" for me now.

I don't know how much you know about my story, so if you got more questions, ask away! (You can find a little summary here)

(and I am willing to share very much, I try to keep this short)

Maze Runner:

The catastrophies are heavily inspired by tmr. The world where my story takes place has had many different catastrophies in the past few years. In tst, Brenda tells Thomas something about why the world is now how it is and a part that stuck with me were the sun storms/solar flares. So I began with that. I added many more things like heavy thunderstorms, hurricanes and even asteroids crashing near Japan and all over Europe, all over the span of three years, causing the USA to build "Safety Zones" (a bit like Denver in tdc but with a huge dome over it), where some people can live, when they can afford it. Like tdc it looks much better on the outside than the inside (but there are no zombie-like people)

I have two other stories, that are inspired by maze runner! Both are very old and on hold right now. One is called "Escape" and is about a girl named Abigail Blair Cleary that is accused of murdering the president's son. Now she flees alone, trying to not get caught, and has to get through a big dessert (like the scorch). But she isn't that long alone, because she rescues two people who follow her without knowing who she is. The other one is called "Forgotten" and evolves around a school, where the kids are pretty much alone, besides a few adults. One group tries to rebel against the adults and go behind the barrier, just to realize that there a hundred small machines that try to kill them.

The Inheritance Games:

The Inheritance Games have a very small impact on this story. It's mostly one personality of a side character that is inspired by her bubbly personality.

Also, one of the main characters (Dean) tries to help everyone. In my first draft, he tried to rescue a boy while the building was falling apart (the boy is well, but Dean needed time to recover after almost being buried alive). It reminds me a bit of Nash

I have another WIP, where the inheritance games is a much bigger influence. The WIP is called "Swords of Friendship" and currently put aside, so I can work on two other projects. Its about two best friends and one of them gets chosen to rescue the world. Two young men, who were trained their whole live to be chosen, are disappointed but then help them, while uncovering a lot of secrets about the "chosen ones"

One last thing I want to share, because I remembered a few hours ago: I have scenes planned, that are inspired by the Disney parks. One scene would have the group sit on a rooftop and watch a firework from a safety zone nearby. One of them would tell them, how safety zones would use compressed air to shoot the fireworks higher and how some zones would use drones for some parts.

[raeflora]

Hi again! I would really love your opinion on something, (since you said that if I ever want you to write meta on something specific I can ask)

Do you think that most D**ir shippers are Dan fans rather than Blair l fans?

I am going forward with the rewatch and I have been reading stuff here andvon other platforms and I have noticed that most D**ir focus on what Dan feels or what Dan does for Blair, ignoring Blair's emotional and mental state at the time

Furthermore they seem to want to rid Blair from all the things that make her Blair (like her ruthlessness and scheming)

Idk... For me Blair wouldn't be Blair without the good and the bad. So it makes me wonder if these people just.... Don't like Blair very much.....

hi!! this is such a good question tysm and this is gonna be long so I hope u don't mind 🫶🏻 I think generally yes d*ir fans do seem to be more fans of dan than they are of blair, and I think there are a few reasons (that I've seen) for this. some of it comes from penn badgley fans as a lot of ppl who discovered him from you on netflix have then watched gg and like dan purely bc it's him. some of it also comes from this rehash of the idea that chuck's "bad" bc of the pilot and ignoring his development, and dan's "good" bc... he's not chuck lol.

ur right in that a lot of them don't want blair to be, well, herself. as I said in my other meta post there's a lot of focus on how blair's "better" when she's with dan. she doesn't scheme, she doesn't do anything, really, except from talk about movies and artists. they think that this watered down version of blair is her true self, even though if u watch the previous 4 and a half seasons it's obvious that's just not true. they want blair to be this girl who's content to spend her days visiting museums and waiting around for dan who she's clearly not. there's nothing wrong with her that dan needs to fix, and chuck didn't corrupt her. she can be interested in art and movies and still scheme and be mean. there's no mutual exclusivity to any of her personality traits, they can all co-exist and are what make her blair. like chuck said in s2 it's stupid to want her to be anything other than what she is.

also, ur so right again in that they ignore blair's mental state. she's obviously not in a good place in s5 and probably shouldn't jump into any relationship after her divorce. but dan pushes her into it. throughout the show she belittles him, insults him, makes fun of serena dating him, and generally just doesn't like him. while they're dating she still doesn't seem that keen on him. there's talk of how she's happier and smiling all the time with dan, but she's not. she effectively throws a tantrum being seen out with him and she can't celebrate his career, she instead undermines and upstages him. her behaviour doesn't seem like someone who's found her perfect match. it seems like someone who's in a confusing transitional period of her life and clings to the nearest man, like she did with carter in s2. if dan was this great perfect man he'd say he couldn't date her right away, let her sort herself out. but no, he forces her to be more than just friends bc, where she's so isolated from everyone else, if she loses him then she loses her only support system (the fact that she becomes so reliant on dan humphrey in the wake of her miscarriage is something for another post) so she kind of has to get into a relationship with him, even though she's not ready mentally.

in terms of liking blair, I think that most d*ir fans like their own version of blair, instead of the canon version. this might be connected to them often preferring dan, and then they just project traits onto blair that aren't hers. I don't know why they don't do this to serena btw, bc her relationship with dan is significantly more important, and she was far more willing to do "ordinary" things with him than blair. ultimately I think they want d*ir, and blair individually, to be something they're not and were never going to be. d*ir isn't sethmer or paceyjoey or whoever else they compare them to. blair isn't someone they can shape into fitting their ideas like dan does, she's her own distinct character and if they don't like her then they should admit it instead of mischaracterising her

[mdhwrites]

Question about Choices of a corrupting die

Hi there, I was just wondering how will the corruption work in this story. Would Jacob be affected by the die too? Will the girls be forced to do things that go along with what their characters in DnD are doing? Or will the brainwashing be more of the Dies slowly turning the girls into Jacob's sex slaves? Or is it inbetween.

If this goes into too much spoilers, sorry about asking. But I am looking forward to what you are doing.

Have a nice day!

I'm fine with answering pretty much all of this abstractly because it's just understanding what the core of the story will be. And the answer is... Yes.

That's actually not a joke. Jacob will be affected by the dice as well since how he has been shown so far has some anger to it but is not exactly dominant or willing to force the girls to do anything, is it? Most of the sex in the story will almost certainly be essentially the girls being made to do sexual things in real life to mimic what is happening to their characters and the dice are going to make them willing to do that, likely leading eventually to them being under his control entirely. That last one could be seen as a spoiler but... It's a corruption harem story. How many other outcomes would there be?

The fun in this is in the details. Whenever I describe myself as a writer, the first thing I lead with is "Character focused," because character comes first for me. That can take a lot of forms but a large part of it is in trying to make people feel different, make them feel dynamic, etc. like that. As such, while they may all end up calling Jacob 'master' for many reasons by the end, how Tara acts as a sex slave and how Melanie acts as one would still be different simply due to the fact that both have differing personalities and both may see service to a superior differently, or even see that relationship somewhat differently. As an example there: Tara is currently an anxious mess so unless things change with her, subservience may mean always being willing but needing prompting. Meanwhile, Melanie would use her motherly side to potentially help everyone enjoy themselves, or go another route where she wants the girls doing their best for what they all live for so she's the sort to go "you can do better" before forcing the other girl to deep throat Jacob before she's ready.

There's lots of options which is actually part of why I even allowed the option of more than four girls in this because as those add up, more odd mixtures would be possible, even if that also would have meant exponentially increasing the length of the work... Sobs.

Fun last fact actually on that note: This story was not originally conceived as a Choices story. Originally it was just a fun idea I had for a book with the same premise that I immediately shelved because I was looking for ideally shorter projects and this is going to be LOOOOOOONG. But with the shift to making it Choices, the idea appealed a lot more to me as potentially a daily writing exercise more than trying to finish a commercial novel. Just some neat backstory for it. Oh, and the piece of art that originally inspired the story because why not? (I don't know who the artist is unfortunately.)

And a link to the story for anyone going "What was this all about?

[sagesilentfire]

another toffee analysis by sage h silentfire

I've been sitting on this analysis for a while, and I was going to touch on it briefly in a project I'm working on, but a talk with my therapist allowed me to put it into words and in greater detail than before. So here it is:

Why exactly do I like Toffee so much? It's a genuine question. He's the target of many different questionable writing choices, barely focused on, and forgotten within seconds of his death. We know so little about him he's basically a generic doomsday villain. The fandom is worse to him: popular interpretations paint him as cruel, arrogant, spiteful, and even, surprisingly enough, stupid. The word "sociopath" gets thrown around a lot, which, ableist. He's emotionless. He has no empathy. He's unable to connect with people. While liking villains is somewhat acceptable nowadays, it's always with the expectation that you like them because they're evil, not for any deeper reason. And with Toffee, because he's so poorly written, that should be the reason you like him. Because he's evil, and that's awesome.

But that's not why I like Toffee.

See, I am autistic, and that's never going away. I get more stereotypically autistic by the year, as I grow and become more independent, and my newfound independence clashes with my family and the society I live in. I'm weird, I'm moderately smart, I'm quirky. But more critically, I have no close friends because I literally don't know how to make and maintain friendships. I feel painfully aware of the potential emotions of everyone around me, but I don't know how to act on that awareness and communicate effectively with people, leading me to assume the worst. I have had meltdowns in crowded spaces that went completely unnoticed because I was "too subtle". I even worry that I'll die without any of the stories I want to tell – without my story – being told, because no one wanted to learn it.

Sound familiar?

So yes, I like Toffee. Even think he's a halfway decent person morality-wise, not just a villain. He expresses emotions weirdly, but he does express emotions. He is staunchly not willing to sacrifice his plans for others, but he still takes time to be nice to other people regardless. He didn't kill Moon and Marco when he could have, even though they were trying to kill him. He is empathetic enough to manipulate people and smart enough to take control of any situation, and he does it while not expressing emotions in ways others would expect. He's so much like my dream self fr.

And he dies the unquestioned villain, never getting the chance to tell his side of the story. The only perspective that we do get is filtered through the lens of his murderers. 

"But Sage!" you might be saying. "What about Comet?!"

Well. I do count Comet's death as one of the questionable choices the writers made (it makes very little sense with Toffee's character, wouldn't he manipulate her into a better deal? It feels a little like the writers were like "Oh shoot, we haven't made Toffee evil enough to 'deserve' his graphic death, let's... uh, let's make him kill Moon's mother for no reason!"), but I can understand why Toffee did it, again through an autistic lens.

See, autistic people like me aren't taken seriously. Not about our areas of knowledge, not about our views and beliefs, and especially not about matters of our physical and mental health. We're treated like weird baby dolls that are expected not to have meltdowns or criticize their "superiors". Or we're embarrassments, time bombs just waiting to go off and mortify whoever we're with. Growing up, I was never able to be right, or even have a point. Oh, there were minor disagreements my guardians let me "win" and then would weaponize during the more serious arguments, but whenever we got into screaming matches, I was always the one in the wrong. We didn't even apologize or talk it out after arguments; it was always expected that I would realize I was wrong eventually and it was swept under the rug with all the other skeletons of long-dead arguments and left to simmer into resentment. 

But there was one surefire way to make a dent, one I discovered recently and that has actually saved my life.

In the summer of 2022, I was put on a new medication. Long story short, I did not sleep for two weeks. I was in shambles, and I needed my mother to raise hell from me, because she would not let me do it myself – my psychiatry goes through my guardians, and I didn't even have the psychiatrist's number at the time. But she wouldn't do anything. The psychiatrist thought things would level out eventually, and my mother thought what the psychiatrist thought, nevermind that I was actively getting worse and my sleeping pills were getting less effective by the day. I begged her to raise hell like I knew she could, and she sent a mild phone call gently suggesting that things still weren't ideal. I could feel myself slipping away as everyone who was ostensibly taking care of me sat and twiddled their thumbs.

So I got personal. I deliberately started a big blowout. I convinced her that things weren't going well, and this little game of chicken with my health wouldn't result in the perfect, uncritical, angelic autistic daughter she so desperately wanted. I got into a screaming match, I listed everything she had ever done wrong, and I told her to shut up and stop spewing weak justifications on how my pain wasn't her fault, actually. I hit her where it hurts. I hurt her back. I hurt her.

And it worked. Hurting her made her take me seriously and I was back on my old meds before sunset. I slept well that night. And I will never regret it. 

So maybe Toffee's plan to overthrow his colonizers with the death of Comet didn't end in monster victory. But if it weren't for the eleventh-hour dark magic, it would have. And Toffee's people were oppressed and the victims of genocide for ages. They were the small band of rebels fighting an evil colonizing empire. They were ideologically in the right. They kicked and clawed and bit until they found something to hurt, and then they didn't hesitate. Because no one took them seriously, and they still wouldn't have taken them seriously unless they did something damaging. Comet sure didn't; her chapter is a continually escalating series of microaggressions. Moon didn't; she doesn't seem to care about the conflict at all before Comet's death. Who else would take him seriously? Mina? The High Commission? Glossaryck?

So while I don't think he was totally in character in killing Comet, I do understand more than others why he might have done it. 

Because Toffee is like me, for better or for worse. And he could have been great for me and people like me. But he wasn't. He was assumed to be evil and left to die immediately. Because people like me are always the bad guys.

In short,

Exhibits:

Toffee's emotions, courtesy @butterflyeffectiveless:

Comet's continually escalating microaggressions:

Additional source for Toffee being autistic:

because i'm autistic and i like him

the end.